It's some good, old-fashioned virulence. you crapped on my head and now you're taking all my friendsters
Thursday, March 25, 2004
It's some good, old-fashioned virulence. you crapped on my head and now you're taking all my friendsters
i don't have a chic way to quote things yet, so if you're craig, avert thine eyes.
you may grannydump, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't get picked up somewhere. here are some choice quotes from living john water's character, esther:
"Stan: Stan was pretty ace with me. He thought I was his boss and that he was not interred at a home for saucy seniors but rather transferred to another location as a "branch manager." I'd report for my shift at 5:30 a.m. and he'd be awake, fully dressed and waiting for me with a clipboard.
Lillie: Lillie taught at my elementary school when I attended there. I freaked out the day I started my job because I remembered seeing her doing arts and crafts with students and eating lunch with my favorite teacher, Mrs. Clifford. It turned out that she had been teaching with paranoid schizophrenia and the beginning stages of alzheimer's for years. How can you go on like that for so long? Having her around broke my heart, too, because it was my job to put her in restraints for a good portion of the day. The muscles in her legs had begun to atrophy. I used to give her magazines and she would read from them to me while I was filling out charts. It's strange to hear a former teacher shout things like, "Kodak film, on sale, two nine nine." She'd get amazingly upset by random phrases she read, too. She read the phrase "death metal" in Spin and started crying.
MYSTERY PATIENT X: The cops found MPX wandering around downtown LA and he said he lived in VC so they brought him to us. He seemed like such a nice guy. Over Regis and Kelly, he and I were having pleasant discussion about baseball and the lunch menu. Two minutes later, he was beating the crap out of me and throwing punches into the ground."
esther's top ten patients from the senior loony bin
sorry to all those who tried to call me last night and failed. i was so stunned to see a simulacrum for a professor of mine in last month's vogue that i spilled a glass of pinot grigio all over my desk and phone. actually...that's untrue. i knew the ad was in there and while i was taking a photo of it for a dear friend of mine who has the good fortune not to fall for style.com's "$1 an issue!" ad, i spilled the wine on my phone.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
can anyone tell me how this agnes b. "rasberry-tinted nail laquer" works? is it just a poorly phrased way of saying "red"? or is it more like lip stain for the hands? these questions need to be answered!
taken from style.com's shopping section
Having just admitted to my boss that the only reason I came to work right now was because I couldn't convince anyone to get trashed as moustache (my local fav) with me, I say we head on over to the bigfoot lodge in los feliz tonight before their drink of the month (the girl scout cookie) is through! Let's celebrate my early, forced retirement in style. I'm only twenty-one and may be moving to Prague in a matter of months where I will have to listen to hard eastern european techno, wear furs, speak with a cruelly guttaral accent and lose 85 pounds. Or i may be starving in new york along with everyone else from my coast who has decided, "Fuck the good weather! I want to freeze!" Other fixtures may include the arch sweetheart Brianna, and i-just-got-into-every-wonderful-graduate-school-for-my-MFA Brandon (who, by virtue of initials alone become the bopsy twins). Tell Brandon to move to the south, wear white linen suits and sip mint juleps on the verandah while I sing songs like a technicolor countess from the Pink Panther soundtrack. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: there's nothing like a good ol' lodge bar.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Some quick notes on the new Flaunt magazine...
The cover is awful! What's with this Selma Blair in neo Racquel Welch garb. And she's holding fire in her hands? what a promethian! Please...after last month's fiasco of Ashton Kutcher, i don't think i can take another atrocious cover.
nipple count is on 8...is this a direct janet retaliation? (We'll put nipples on every page if we have to!)
I'm not sure what the Svedka vodka ads are telling me...but i think i like it
Monday, March 22, 2004
for a movie with two absolutely putrid songs in it, they certainly didn't seem to realize it. this soundtrack consists of the same two songs done in every way imaginable, french, english, instrumental, jazzy, orchestral...and as much as i loathe these two songs, there's got to be something about them that has made me turn this library into a veritable meat-market. it'd be best to stop this before it gets too obvious, like jovan musk, but it's just too irrestistable looking at men in the library with an intimidating gaze. although i did nearly ravish a man's hair while he looked at an art journal, this laptop cages me in...chains me to a source of pseudo-reality (ha! as if the blogosphere can be called reality from any perspective). should renewal be denied me, i may go insane...i may run wild within a library.
well my fine feathered friends, this walking, talking piece of aspartame is signing off...until tomorrow, which is when most of you will read this anyway.
Friday, March 19, 2004
Monday, March 15, 2004
"Within this delicate frame is a pornstar ready to pounce."
Do any of these boys realize that the holmes moustache is a direct negation of their oft-broadcasted and sung about emotional side?
Sunday, March 14, 2004
for those of you invited, see you at pistola tonight. i'll be there with bandmate in tow just to prove chris' actual existence
Friday, March 12, 2004
ex-dancer cum chanteuse, ute lemper performs tonight at royce hall through UCLA Live. I'll be there, will you?
Wish a pleasant good-bye to Jamandru as he spins one last time before he moves to Japan on us! Who will i smile furtively at in the Brewery Lofts now? My dear friends (Sean Patrick) Magu the Subtle Navigator (i.d.e.a. / Sensitize), and (Terryn) Lady Lyric (Reverse Commuter / Photocall), as well as acquaintance Jean Paul (Atomica Magazine / Resolution) and complete strangers praiseOne (Firecracker / Proper / Ass & Titties), Killa Kel (Goodfat / Proper) and Eli-173 (Photocall) will also spin. It's the best free option of the evening.
9 pm @ Vermont Bar, 1714 N. Vermont ave. / Los Feliz
(1 block N. of Hollywood blvd.)
e-mail for info
Wartime marytrdom can be found at "Ration Sacrifice" (featuring Gabe from The Starvations, Jorge
and Kevin from The Red Onions, and Jacqueline
from Central City Transmission). They appear with
The Holy Ghost Revival (Seattle), Lily And The Ladies, and Two Gallants (New York).
@ True Rehearsals / Solutions, 4334 Sunset Blvd (Silverlake)
All ages, $3
Skinny convlusive boy rockers, The Adored, perform with Von Iva (SF), and Julie's ex-boyfriend's band Pleasey Please for the
Franz Ferdinand CD Release Party (if you haven't picked this up yet, then please do so this evening!) at our own little piece of NY, Club L-Train.
@ The Scene, 806 E. Colorado Blvd Glendale, California
Petrol is the only place in LA where gas is free. Features include $3 drink specials and good music.
@ Vida, 1930 hillhurst (los feliz)
Come catch my doppleganger and i at the MOCA opening for "A Minimal Future? Art As Object 1958-1968" from 5pm-11pm. Admission for non-members is $8. Should you find yourself suddenly skittish upon getting into this event, call me and i'll wrench you away from snooty docents.
You can also cross the 101 into chinatown to see the antarcticans, monster, donkey, the poly groaton experience, and Residual Echoes. Later you can play Faye Dunaway and Jack Nicholson.
@ furthermore, 990 N. Hill St. (chinatown)
during a work/play session last weekend, brandon and i came up with some ideas for organizing our motley crew and a new game for social turmoil (paparazzi). we suggest that we meet monthly at musso frank's, the minibar, moustache cafe, or anywhere else that also serves booze and isn't too loud.
we should all email our work to each other a week or so ahead of time.how does this sound?
brianna, could you please give patrick and ben this url?
Thursday, March 11, 2004
everyone is talking about the drama at the filter party last tuesday. it's too bad i didn't go as i could have seen something i've never seen before, hipsters slugging it out at a bar with wall-art by marilyn manson and $8 glasses of house wine. Apparently the polaroid scene guy took photos. Who he anyway? It's not a slight coincidence that i stopped following friendster bulletins after this guy popped up everywhere snapping photos of all of us (and most offensively, with me in more experimental hair modes). It's not the photo-blogging that I dislike; it's the lack of textual content and captioning. "Oh Gee! It's another person with an edgy haircut!"
I did spot a photo of jeremy weiss looking pecularly tan (jeremy is on the right) along with photos of 90% of the people i know.
the bizarre thing is, they probably thought i was there. my social life lives on in infamy without me.
Large hair makes your body look smaller (sara suddenly realizes why her boyfriend appears so consistently skinny). It's one of those bizarre relationships of proportion that you never realized existed until you tried it. Problem spots disappear, and this hairstyle seems like a panacea for any possible flaw that could arise. Zit? No problem! Your hair will cover it! So what if your body is more like an i or a question mark? Poofy hair adds punctuates your style and staves off the boob and butt job everyone seems expected to have, right?
well, in theory it does.
The downside (or perverse upside if you're wry and evil like I am) is that eye makeup allows you to look gaudy in a way never before possible, faking italian accents was never so easy, and that while wearing certain items of clothing (kimonos, slips, et al.) it looks increasingly like you're riffing off of maggie the cat or running a subterranean opium den. It also becomes terribly obvious about half-way through "big-hair experiment 04" that big hair produces the following reactions in observers:
sudden urges to listen to the complete works of the beegees
thank you for the sabrina flat. you and salvatore are going to make me very happy this spring season.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
As someone who has signed on to donate their body to science, I find it distressing that my body parts would be sold on the black market by strangers. repeat: by strangers. Since my body parts will be sold, and my clothing will be given away through craigslist, I don't think I'm asking to much to make my body the burden of my family now.
suddenly there's a new option for all of us who don't have any particularly valuable or sentimental worldly belongings (or a relative we just don't want to give them to). To my nephew, I leave my ligaments. Sell them on the black market and put yourself through college, boy.
Saturday, March 06, 2004
c-list actresses struggling with the doorman at ivar kiss less ass than omarosa just did on jay leno.
a sigh of relief upon realizing that i only have a tv two days a week...
Friday, March 05, 2004
vice vs friecracker
the 213 indoor/outdoor party
@ the grand star
943 n. broadway @ college in chinatown
$5 before 11pm, 21+
I can hear your hush from here
What, really, is the problem with the perm? Why does perm-ing still have a bad reputation after all these years. Sure we all have stories about the ones that go horribly horribly wrong, but there are also stories of those that go horribly right (hello, marilyn monroe). Is perming just a lost art, or do perm experts lurk in the dark recesses of john frieda's salon? I imagine these artisans painstakingly curling each strand of hair, some a little differently, in order to create the maximum aesthetic.
And yet, you all are still horrified. My friend brandon just spent quite some time with me on the phone begging me to return to my helmut newton girl haircut, anything, ANYTHING but get a perm--a practice that resides comfortably with frosted tips, french manicures, and self-tanning.
Why, i ask you, is it ok to get your hair expensively striped like a zebra, but it's not ok to put some curl in it? I don't pretend to have an answer for this problem, but i hope that you do, and that you e-mail it to me.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
In the one giant stammer that is my life, I had to ask for an extra ballot today because I screwed up with the mark-y pen. I miss the stiletto from other elections. It always gave me the feeling that I was somehow killing large numbers of politicians and this thought made me quite happy.